Going Home

Well, I am on my way back to Zimbabwe, stuck in Jo'burg at the moment, with nine hours to kill! I have found this little internet cafe to use at the bus station. My bank account has been blocked, so I have no access to any money, which is a bit scary! Thankfully, Meredith is able to pay my hotel share and bus journey home, but it leaves me hanging a bit!

Well today from Cape Town to Jo'burg, I just slept most of the way! I am feeling so tired right now! The bus journies are totally stunning with the views just being out of this world.

I am looking forward to sleeping in my own bed, with more change of clothes and just being 'home.'

I have done lots of praying this week, and prayer is something that lately I have been really bad at. Sometimes I really struggle to engage in the concersation-type side with God, rather just throw things off at him. Today, however, I am feeling really prayerful, which is really fulfilling. I think my plan for the next few months is to find someone to train at Tariro House to take over my job, this side of the year. I want to spend some time in Chipinge with the orphans and new home there, and watch the church being built. Then maybe in February I would be ready to return to England. I miss being myself and being 'free'. Last year at Mirfield I discovered SO much about myself that for the first time in my life, I actually liked myself - Zimbabwe's experience helped me realise this - That God really loves me and that I really love him. However, since Mirfield I have never had a chance to just live being 'me'. Being in Zimbabwe helps me discover even more about myself - my weaknessess mainly, and I need a chance to process them all at some point. By cutting my trip short of a few months, I hope I wouldn't be failing in the mission, after all, a mission is only an attempt to make things better for a few. I can help people even better if I can truly help myself for once. I have never had the chance to know myself fully in order to deny myself for Jesus, and Zimbabwe does not offer me that space. However, being here is a blessing in so many ways and I really love the orphans and empathising with them fully in their lives, wherever they are or whoever they are. Being here has also confirmed my future ministry in the Church of England, which is a blessing. I am still praying as to what I believe God is truly saying, but God wants me fully and he has never had me fully.