moving on...

Hey guys, I am back and settled now, Zimbabwe is the same, but improving greatly day by day! At the moment our house only has the staple sardza (mealie meal) and beans... so breakfast is mealie meal, lunch is beans, supper is sardza and beans... daily... yum!

I want to tell you all that I am leaving the Tariro Youth Project as the Project Manager. I will remain a Trustee of the charity. I have given all I can to the TYP over the past few months and past year or so, but now I feel it is time that someone else take over and lead the project. It has always been important to me that a Shona male or female lead the project, due to the cultural differences, which I didn't realise would be this large. I am struggling with certain parts of Shona culture, especially the leadership expectancies, which make it very difficult for me to carry on being a leader within the Project.

I have come under a lot of opposition from elders and one or two Shona people over the past month or so. I think it is time that I move on to new pastures. The project is big enough and stable enough to keep running without me now! It will be really hard to move on, because the relationships we have built up in the house have been that of a father-son sort of thing!

I am looking forward to see over the next month where God will lead me and where I choose to go and what I get involved with next... I can get involved with so much here. I know my passion is for orphans and I will continue working with orphans. My journal and blog have not ended so please keep reading and supporting me here!

The more I am here the more I miss the daily pattern of a monastery and prayer life. The ups and downs, the struggles and the cultural differences all pose a challenge to maintain a spiritual life, social and healthy mental life! At the end of the day I am not African. I still, and always will, find it hard to walk down the street and see suffering and hurt people without quesitoning God, humanity and myself.

I have a 'mother' here called Bev. She looks after me so well. She says the right things at the right time. But she has the heart of God when it comes to people. When she sees a hurt person, or someone in need, she forgets herself and carries the cross of Jesus!!! The other day she got out of her car to help a homeless, sick and ill person. She took them to the hospital, found a sheltered home for homeless and took her there... Bev truly took this issue and used the hands of Jesus to really bring peace, comfort and joy to someone's life.

I love it in Zimbabwe, but I'm not made to live here. I am called to work in the Church of England for sure. However, Zimbabwe will always be a place I will visit and come, because here I see the hands of Jesus, his eyes, face and here I feel his embrace.

This is not the end of Tariro Youth Project, or of me! In fact this is only the start of something big in my life, your life and in the life of TYP. Better things are yet to come, greater things are still to be done in this place!!

Home

Well we are back in Zimbabwe and O boy do we notice the difference. Apart from being stuck at the boarder for over 6 hours, the journey was not too bad. The South African side of the boarder is fairly neat, tidy and well run. The Zimbabwean side is not so! I kept a pile of Rands in my pocket for the beggars that I knew would be waiting to ask for money. The money soon went! The most heart braking thing is to see a child leading a blind relative banging a small pot to collect the coins. While we were waiting a few beggars boarded the bus and sang songs in order to earn a few pennies.

It feels so good to be back however, even though things so obviously don’t work around here. Saying this, the power is more than often on now, with very few power cuts and prices in the shops are not to different to SA. The rubbish on the road side and outside our house is still growing however. We are planning on organising a street clean up day with the whole community.

Yesterday I got two kittens in the house, Molly and Chad. They are the most pretty little things ever, who also join us in eating Sardza and other Zimbabwean delights.

Home

Well we are back in Zimbabwe and O boy do we notice the difference. Apart from being stuck at the boarder for over 6 hours, the journey was not too bad. The South African side of the boarder is fairly neat, tidy and well run. The Zimbabwean side is not so! I kept a pile of Rands in my pocket for the beggars that I knew would be waiting to ask for money. The money soon went! The most heart braking thing is to see a child leading a blind relative banging a small pot to collect the coins. While we were waiting a few beggars boarded the bus and sang songs in order to earn a few pennies.

It feels so good to be back however, even though things so obviously don’t work around here. Saying this, the power is more than often on now, with very few power cuts and prices in the shops are not to different to SA. The rubbish on the road side and outside our house is still growing however. We are planning on organising a street clean up day with the whole community.

Yesterday I got two kittens in the house, Molly and Chad. They are the most pretty little things ever, who also join us in eating Sardza and other Zimbabwean delights.

Going Home

Well, I am on my way back to Zimbabwe, stuck in Jo'burg at the moment, with nine hours to kill! I have found this little internet cafe to use at the bus station. My bank account has been blocked, so I have no access to any money, which is a bit scary! Thankfully, Meredith is able to pay my hotel share and bus journey home, but it leaves me hanging a bit!

Well today from Cape Town to Jo'burg, I just slept most of the way! I am feeling so tired right now! The bus journies are totally stunning with the views just being out of this world.

I am looking forward to sleeping in my own bed, with more change of clothes and just being 'home.'

I have done lots of praying this week, and prayer is something that lately I have been really bad at. Sometimes I really struggle to engage in the concersation-type side with God, rather just throw things off at him. Today, however, I am feeling really prayerful, which is really fulfilling. I think my plan for the next few months is to find someone to train at Tariro House to take over my job, this side of the year. I want to spend some time in Chipinge with the orphans and new home there, and watch the church being built. Then maybe in February I would be ready to return to England. I miss being myself and being 'free'. Last year at Mirfield I discovered SO much about myself that for the first time in my life, I actually liked myself - Zimbabwe's experience helped me realise this - That God really loves me and that I really love him. However, since Mirfield I have never had a chance to just live being 'me'. Being in Zimbabwe helps me discover even more about myself - my weaknessess mainly, and I need a chance to process them all at some point. By cutting my trip short of a few months, I hope I wouldn't be failing in the mission, after all, a mission is only an attempt to make things better for a few. I can help people even better if I can truly help myself for once. I have never had the chance to know myself fully in order to deny myself for Jesus, and Zimbabwe does not offer me that space. However, being here is a blessing in so many ways and I really love the orphans and empathising with them fully in their lives, wherever they are or whoever they are. Being here has also confirmed my future ministry in the Church of England, which is a blessing. I am still praying as to what I believe God is truly saying, but God wants me fully and he has never had me fully.

We have spent four days in Cape Town, but only now have we begun to relax fully. Today we went to a café at the waterfront and just enjoyed sitting with a coffee and reading a book. These small things we cannot do in Zimbabwe. I cannot simply go out anywhere I want, because some parts of Harare are out of bounds. I cannot simply take a bike ride to town in fear my bike would be stolen. I cannot carry much money around with me in fear of it being stolen.

I am feeling rather tired and sick even of the fact that everywhere I go in Zimbabwe I am stared at for being white. I am constantly viewed as a different person. People automatically think that I have money and that I am rich because I am white. This really gets me down and makes me tired. I get really upset at the indirect racism that there is, even in South Africa too. I have been called here to help orphans, not challenge the racism, but I do feel that this has a huge effect on my work here. People automatically think that being white means that I don’t understand the culture here. There are things that Shona people think a white man would never understand simply because he is not Shona. I totally disagree with this! Visitors to the country see the culture for its face value and usually for what it really is. Visitors to the culture don’t have the emotional attachment that those who have grown up in it have. For example, in England, not many would admit that we are actually an unhappy country wrapped up in our own little worlds, but visitors to the country would say the opposite. Of course, the English then become defensive and say that only English people could truly understand. A culture is judged by its onlookers. Some things in culture may seem ‘wrong’ or ‘immoral’ but in another culture they are fine. In Zimbabwe the role of women is very different to that in England, or most other places in the West. However, this is not a bad thing at all, the Shona women are generally happy about their role and their equality. It is just my different upbringing, different country and understanding that I have from England that make it seem ‘wrong’. What I have problems with is the abuse that comes because of the Shona men’s understanding of women (or misunderstanding). Women are seen as less as men and because of this are often abused. A man feels that he can have sex with his wife whenever he feels it OK, even if his wife says no. When confronted with the problem, the attitude that Shona men have to me is that because I am not Shona, I will never understand the problem and therefore cannot help.

I recently went on a counselling course and several trainee priests attended. Actually I came away form the course more concerned than ever before. These priests will have to minister to both black and white Anglicans, both black and white Zimbabweans. However, their attitudes to the way they think white people understand their culture is terrible, considering God does not fit to culture. In counselling there is a big policy of confidentiality and many of the Shona on the course simply could not understand this. The general view of sharing problems is simply not undertaken. If someone does something wrong in their community then they believe in telling everyone about the situation in order to bring punishment. I’m not saying that this is wrong, but simply it is not my culture. Charity work that involve law and counselling work that involves confidentiality override whatever have gone before, and this is for the sake of all involved, not to attack or change the culture.

I have been lay-counselling a young ‘boy’ from another orphanage. Last week he openly told me he was gay. I was the first person that he has ever told. Now in Shona culture the belief would be to tell everyone in the orphanage about him to disgrace him so he would turn from homosexuality, which of course is illegal in Zimbabwe, and he certainly would come under attack in so many different ways. This is where I have my problems. In counselling him, I promised not to discuss anything with anyone.

Actually this ‘confession’ moved me to tears. This boy for so many years has been keeping his sexuality at bay and finally he had someone who wanted to listen to him and still loved him in the same way afterwards. For the first time, someone had told him that God still loved him – very much! I feel for this boy. He has to find a way to express his sexuality in a culture that totally denies that this exists at all. Some Shona actually believe that no Shona person is gay! Listening to this young boy was probably the greatest day I have had in Zimbabwe so far. It was so liberating and I just felt God’s presence all the way through – I felt God in him, which was the first time since I saw Jesus in Highfield, Harare last August.

I guess I am upset because this is not my culture. However, I see a world that still doesn’t treat men as equals, but still judges by colour, race, sexuality, rich or poor. Michael Meegan says that there is something in us that causes us to see others as lesser (All will be well). Shona culture is teaching me, even thought by its injustices, to see everyone as equal. It is a lesson that will take years to teach me I’m sure and one that is coming at a cost to who I am. I hate the injustices I see in culture and within everyday life, but these little things are teaching me and so many others who disagree with them, a lesson about who we really are. When God looks at us, he looks through culture and walls, to who we really are.

On the beach

Ops, what a lazy day - O WELL hey!!! Today we spent the afternoon on the most beautiful piece of beach I have ever seen... The sun was SO hot and I came back totally burnt - red and brown! The beach was so busy, but everyone was having so much fun in the water, which was cold, and playing rugby and other games! The sand was wonderfully white - it was almost 'perfect!'

On return to the hotel, me and Meredith dived into the pool outside, which was colder still, and then I spent some time in the gym, and came out feeling SO good!

Last night we thought we would order room service...

Cape Town Holiday

20th October
  
The past few days we spent travelling to Cape Town,  South Africa. To be honest I was willing to travel anywhere in Africa. I need a break! I remembered how lovely Cape   Town was last August and so I wanted to come back. We caught the bus in Harare and the journey took just under two days.
  
 I love Zimbabwe and doing the work we do there, so much. However, being here in Cape Town, I am so grateful to God for luxuries, things that work and to just escape for a week! We arrived at 5.30am on 20th and booked into a wonderful hotel – wow, it is nice! I am still getting the hang of using SA rand instead of the US $. In shops they give REAL change and not sweets or lollypops as they do in Zimbabwe! Electricity is on all the time, the traffic lights all work properly and roads are maintained!
  
 I have been so excited to come here with Meredith and have been dancing around the house and bus over the past few days in excitement!
  
 
  
21st October
  
Today has been lovely! I really needed a haircut and shave so I found a lovely little barbers shop down by the waterfront, ‘Ye Olde English Barber Shoppe’, so I just had to go! I had a fantastic mop chop and a hot shave, which felt so good! The past few months has been about orphans, orphans and orphans, which is brilliant and I’m so glad I can help them, but today I have to admit that felt good to be about me! I hope this is OK! I just feel tired right now after a non stop few months where I haven’t been able to look after myself properly physically, so just to have someone make a fuss over me was great!!
  
 I am missing Zimbabwe already. Johannesburg is nice, but the people are so obviously miserable. The people that served us hardly spoke to us. OK, in Zimbabwe they don’t have the correct change to give me, but at least they smile, joke and are happy! In Jo’burg I got asked nine times in two hours for money, in Zimbabwe I get looked at for being white. I am thanking God that Cape Town is such a wonderful, happy and gorgeous place.
  
 We walked along the harbour this afternoon and it was just magnificent. There were whales swimming by into the sea, the sun setting behind Table Mountain and music in the distance by the marimba bands.
  
 As a charity, we are looking for someone to fulfil my role. The plan was to find someone to train and grow into the project before I leave next year. Over the past few weeks I have had to accept a few things about Shona culture that I did not understand before. This has made my job particularly challenging. I have not come to change the culture but to work with it to the best of my ability without offending anyone.

Prayer Breakfast Message

Avondale Women’s Prayer Breakfast

Saturday 10^th October 2009, 7.30am

‘Sharing God’s Love, because our Vision is to Share God’s Love’

First of all, what is love? The meaning of ‘love’, this four letter word, changes from context to context, situation to situation, culture to culture and person to person. Love is very much a contextual ‘thing’ in that it means something different in whatever context it is used or places within. We try to define ‘love’ by rules and marriage, regulations and ceremonies.

There are, of course, difference types of love. There is love between a man and a women, or husband and wife, between two friends, between countries or leaders or from a mother to her child. There is love in the school playground or in a friendship or even a relationship at a boyfriend/girlfriend stage. Whether we like it or not, or whether we understand it fully or not, love takes place all the time in our lives. In recent years, love has taken on new meanings, and as we grow older we understand new things about what love actually is. We heard on the news this week of the love of complete strangers compelled to go and help people affected by the Indonesian earthquake, others to help relieve poverty from the world’s poorest places. I also heard of the love a mother expressed to her son’s killer last week. Forgiveness is a powerful form of love. Also, whether we like it or not, or whether we agree with it or not, we hear of the love and relationships that two men or women have for each other in a homosexual relationship. Then we can move on to the love that might be expressed, or at least claims to be love, from a man to his 14 wives and 100 children. A love of a women who helped her suffering husband die, using assisted death. The love of a mother who has to abort her baby after being raped or because she knows she cannot look after the child. The mother who leaves her child on the doorstep of an orphanage all because love is difficult. The terrorist who truly believes that killing hundreds of people is their god’s way of loving the earth.

Al these examples are examples, good and bad, of a love that exists in our world. One could argue that every act in life is done in the name of love or for love’s sake, whether or not we actually realise it. So what actually might ‘love’ be and how can be share that love with others?

First of all, it is important to note that Christianity claims to be a faith or religion based on ‘love’. Although I agree with this, I so often think we get it wrong. We get it wrong because we don’t understand truly what ‘love’ actually is. Jesus’ two greatest commandments both begin with the word love. First, love God and then love your neighbour. Matthew 22: 34-40. So already we know that our faith is entrenched in love. Love is a carpet therefore that must be walked upon.

My theory of what love might be for us today is based on the passage from 1 John 4: 7-12. I don’t usually work in points but today I have three points. Have you noticed the most popular verses in the Bible are all about love! This passage is probably the third most well known passage in the Bible. The first passage of course is ‘…for God so loved the world that he gave His only Son.’ The second probably ‘…love God… love another as yourself…’. And then we come to the first, you’ve guessed it, about love! Let’s take a look…

1. Love is something that comes from God and God alone. 1 John 4: 7-21: ‘Let us love one another, for love is from God… God is love.’ I believe that love is ‘God, coming from God.’ When we love God, we give God back to God. We give his goodness and worth back to him. Briefly, this is what worship is – giving to God or telling God who he is or what he is. So love itself is God flowing from himself, into our lives that we might continue the flow back to him. Confused?? I John 4: 16-17, says that God dwells in those who love him, because God is love. It is impossible to remove love in those places where God is and it is impossible to remove God from those places where love is. If we love therefore, it is actually God flowing from us. There is that wonderful verse that says ‘all things come from you and of your own do we give you.’ Love comes from God, so we must learn to give it back.

2. I believe that love is something wholly Christian. 1 John 4: 9 -10. God chose to disclose to us how to love him – by sending Jesus his Son. Jesus acts as the channel to allow us to give back to God what is rightfully his and he chose to disclose that to US. Love is something spiritual and powerful. Being Christian is about the spiritual and divine things, however small they may be. Love is something both spiritual and divine. It is not about anything material or physical, although it is often expressed as such, but about something heavenly and mysterious. It is, says St Paul in 1 Corinthians 13, the greatest gift of the Spirit. Truthfully, only God understands love because only God understands himself, but he chooses to give us a glimpse as he discloses to us what true love is in Jesus, his Son. God chooses us so that we may only ‘think’ we understand!

3. I believe, thirdly, that love is for everyone. 1 John 4:11. When the process of God’s love comes to us and we return it back to him, when we have accepted Jesus as the disclosure of God’s love to us, we can then tell others. ‘If God loves us dear friends, let us love one another.’ Let us share God’s love, ‘we are bound to love one another.’ It is impossible not to love others if you have never accepted God’s love. His love makes you too excited and too fulfilled not to share it with anyone else! Although his love has been disclosed to us, it is simply too good to keep to ourselves! The only reason we should tell others is so that they can love and know God. we should not tell others for our own personal glory or self worth, because then it ceases to be God flowing to others and becomes us imposing ourselves on others. Love is simply about God and sharing it with others means keeping it about God! When the Jehovah’s Witnesses come to my door, they always tell me about what they believe and they are determined that their way is the right way for me also to live my life. I always reply, well what is it that God believes? I believe God believes in nothing but love. We have made Christianity about ourselves and lost that first love. We live in a world that is self focused not people focused. We have forgotten that God’s love is for ALL people.

So from 1 John 4, we can learn a little about what love is about, and what it might be.

1. It is God – God is love. His love flows to us and should go back to him – 1 John 4: 7-8, 16-17
2. It is something wholly Christian because it was disclosed to all those who believe in God’s Son, Jesus – 1 John 4: 9
3. It is for others – for everyone! 1 John 4: 11-12, since we have been loved, we must love others with the love of Christ – this is the least we can do.

How can we share God’s love with others?

So often we think that sharing God’s love means standing in the streets, shouting at all the people who walk pass. Others think that standing on the streets with leaflets is how we ought to share God’s love. Actually, people are less likely to listen if they have no choice but to listen! Jehovah’s Witnesses are dedicated people. They are confident and rehearsed in what they believe. Their method of sharing God’s love is to knock on every door within a small area allotted to them. Usually they visit more than once, especially if you invite them in for tea. The problem I find with them is the amount of time they stick around! Another problem I find is that they intrude on your personal space, your door, your life and your house. More often than not, people are far too busy or annoyed to be interrupted. Is this how we should be seen?

When we share God’s love in Avondale, in Zimbabwe, or anywhere in the world, I want to suggest that we SHUT UP! I suggest that we do less speaking and do more action. 1 John 3:18: ‘my children, love must not be a matter of words or talk; it must be genuine and show itself in action.’ Let us base our faith more on what we are seen to do, not heard to say. This is what John meant by living in the truth. Jesus said a new commandment I give unto you, that you love one another as I have loved you; by this shall all men know that you are my disciples, if you have love one for another.

By LOVE shall all men know that you are my disciples. They shall see that you are God’s children and that you belong to him! When they see us loving they are actually seeing God because God is love. This is why love is action, however small, is the most powerful tool we have as Christians on earth. The beginning to 1 John is all about sight – we have seen with our own eyes, we have looked upon it, we have even felt it. We haven’t spoken it, we haven’t sung it, we haven’t even preached it – Jesus made visible – love made known and for all to see. We see Jesus in God and others see Jesus in us. If you look at all the other spiritual gifts, they are all ‘noisy’ gifts (but by no means bad!). Teaching, preaching, prophecy, tongues, speaking and so on. however, the silent gift we must all posses is love – love should be seen – it must be felt and experienced. This is why Jesus died publicly on the cross for all to see. You only love God if you have experienced his love in some way.

Sisters Elizabeth and Annamore at Penhalonga are two nuns who both remind me of the stories from Calcutta, of Mother Teresa. These two women have nothing of their own. They gave up everything to join the CZR sisters. However, to further this they both came to me last week and insisted I listened as they sat me down! “Brother Carl, we are concerned about the orphans in our community. We are going to the help them. What is the best way we can do so?” I was so humbled by their desire to help others in their poverty that I became speechless. Eventually we spoke about the different ways in which we can support orphans in the community. I wondered most of the night how they were compelled to love the unloved. This is love. Having nothing, but yet giving everything. This is why as Christians we speak of the ‘debt of love that is owed.’ The love is not ours to give, but God’s. These two women were filled with the love of God until they became humbled by it and so it overflowed from them to others.

Loving others is the deepest and most powerful form of love. It is loving others without wanting anything in return. When we love others, it means that God’s love is pouring from us. Christianity today is not about a Christ who is an example but about those who claim to follow in his footsteps (Meegan).

So often we get love wrong. I saw a little child at Mount Selinda on Wednesday. She had a severe learning problem. The ‘nurse’ told me that she couldn’t walk or talk even at the age of five years old. The nurse poked the little girl to wake her up so “we could see her” and they hooked her over the side of the cot to prove to me she couldn’t stand up or use her legs. She had severe ring worm on her arm. These carers claimed to be ‘Christian.’ Well, if I wasn’t a Christian, I certainly wouldn’t be inspired by Jesus after visiting that place!

As Christians we face the dilemma of learning how to love God’s world, looking towards reason, scripture, tradition and now ‘reality’. The use of condoms is often frowned upon in Africa, and the verses concerning sexual relations and sex before marriage and so, do favour the argument against the use of condoms. However, we know statistically that in those places that do not allow the use of condoms, HIV/AIDS is at its highest. As Christians we must try and preach what we believe, and at the same time come to terms with the reality of promiscuity. A long term programme is needed to eradicate these problems, but also a short term solution is needed. We want to love people, but we cut them off with what we believe, because ‘the bible says so’. Its all well and good shouting about sex before marriage, but not everyone will follow our shouts, some will still choose to be promiscuous without using condoms. These people actually look to see how we are living our lives. It would be nice if someone came to a couple here at church and said ‘I chose to wait to the confines of marriage until I had sex, because I saw that there was so much fruitfulness, love, commitment and blessing on your relationship.’ I’ve seen the way you live and have chosen to follow. Isn’t that what we say to Jesus when we respond to his call to follow him? We have decided to follow Jesus because, simply, we like and are drawn by the way he lived his life and continues to live amongst us today.

To be honest I like working with non Christian sinners more than I enjoy working with Christians. I like the way sinners are honest and open about what they do, while most Christians gossip about their sinless lives and attitudes. I love the way sinners are open to hear about this concept of love, while Christians think they know and can share God’s love perfectly. I love the feeling you get when a sinner acknowledges that they are loved by God. I’d rather have a church filled with 500 sinners than 500 perfect Christians. The sinners church has a vision and something to work for, while the church full of Christians is dead without knowing.

Missionaries are of course the classic way to share God’s love right? Most missionaries make the mistake, and I was one fo those last August, thinking they will be the first ones to take God into a certain area or place. How wrong could they be! It was in Highfield that I learnt that Jesus was already with His people, but was calling me to love them the same way he loved them in order for him to be seen in that place. We have to learn as Christian to draw Christ out of these places, these places where he already lives and works and waits to be found by those who love him.

We, like Christ, are called to love. Christ was the original missionary who walked and lives amongst his people. He did not need to be noticed by anyone to make sure everyone was watching or even to grab their attention. Rather, it was just enough that he was serving his people. A living missionary does not need any materials, but he needs to love, heal, forgive, listen and to reach out in love. this is the way Christ lived and generated his truth, by deed, by action, by kindness and patience. Our world really needs these things right now!

On the bus to Chipinge I met a small girl with severe burns on her face. She was still the prettiest little girl on the bus by far! Her scars were so noticeable and visible, but after a while of being next to her I forgot about the scars. I managed somehow to see through them and see ‘her’. We formed an interesting relationship. I wanted to look out the window and she stood in the way. I want to write in my journal and she took the pen to draw on the seat. I want to sleep and she wanted to play with my hair and touch the spikes! Her father sat next to her, he was a police officer. I noticed major scars on his hands. He saw me looking at his hands and before I could look away again, he told me that she fell into a house fire some years ago and that he went into the fire and pull her out. This man bore the scars of love. He risked his own life to save her from the fire. Of course, our lives too is filled with scars. We constantly fall. But because God loves us he reaches down to us and picks us up, he reaches into the fire and pulls us out. Of course, he bears the scars of love. Jesus’ hands, just like the police officer, bear the scars of love. Jesus’ gave his life in order to save us and the scars remain. There is no greater love, that a man lay down, or at least risk, his life for his friends.

From this lovely story, we see that sharing God’s love doesn’t come easy. It calls for us to leave our comfort zones, to take up our cross, to face poverty and to challenge injustice. It calls for us all to give up, not possessions and material things only, but to give up ourselves. The CZR sisters left everything to face poverty and care for orphans, the police officer risked his life for his daughter and in Highfield I faced poverty in order to know the people Jesus cares about. One of the reasons I am in Africa today is because I saw the need to share God’s love with orphans. Although in order to do that I had to leave my family, my college course, delay ordination, to leave access to my bank account and so much more. It called for a sacrifice. Love calls for a sacrifice.

I want to challenge you today. Think about how we share God’s love. It is so much more easy and exciting than standing on the street corner hoping someone will listen. Sharing God’s love means so much more than just making converts. It is so much more than a one off leaflet giving or Alpha course. Sharing God’s love means facing a hurt world in complete acceptance and with total compassion. The phrase ‘let’s do it, even if it kills us’ may seem quite extreme, but isn’t this what the Father said when he went all the way to the cross? Sharing God’s love is about being with God’s people – those non Christians, people of other faiths, the poor, the HIV, the orphans or homosexual, the widow, the divorced, the lonely and the bruised. Sharing God’s love is about sharing life with God’s people.

Jesus gave up the glory of heaven to share the Father’s love with us. He became one of us, limited to a human frame and he bore the pains of human life and sin. We too must give up the idea of self glory, self image, the ‘me’ factors, and enter into a life of service, as servants, facing God’s world, finding him in the darkest parts of Zimbabwe today and exposing his light. It is when we enter this life that we see life in its fullness. Jesus’ sacrifice was not made in vain simply because we love. When we see love in action, we ultimately see the resurrection power in action and we see God at work, in his world. Put love first. Love conquers all things, it is the greatest gift of all, says Paul. Love will never end as there is nothing – not Satan, not Kanonga, Mugabe, not even death – that love cannot face. There is not limit to love’s faith, its hope and its endurance.

So, to share God’s love in Avondale means to tough Christ. He lives here and he loves with te poor in their lives too. we see God in the scars of all his people and we heal them as we shed the life of Christ into that dark place. We touch Christ because he touches us. We love Christ because he first loved us. We love others because Christ also loves them. How will you share God’s love today in a corrupt, poor Zimbabwe? How will share God’s love in a violence ridden, unjust and hurt society? No one said it would be easy, not even Jesus. Let God love you and you will find you will love others beyond all measure.

Amen.

Week in Chipinge

How I long to live in Highfield or Mbari!! Every house is battered in some way, few windows are intact with some replaced with boards or paper. The people rising so early to try to make money in whatever way they can – people shouting, bargaining, even fighting – the clash of poverty and desperation. Hardly no clean air to breathe either because of Kombee fuel and smoke from cars, burning rubbish and side way litter. The smell of sewage prevails in Mbare! Not knowing where the next meal would come from, not being able to rely on clean water from the tap, if they work at all. Never having electricity or living with the ‘cheers’ as ZESA comes back on. Walking around the dirt tracks and crammed housing, jumping over the puddles to the next, burst pips to drains, on the stone pavement that is crumbling away. Walking alongside people who have huge holes and tears in their clothes, but who will still polish the shoe that has no soul. Walking through the thickness of the crowds, dodging through men and women, all in the same boat and struggling – no work, bad education, forgotten generation.

But why Mbari? In this place, I can close my eyes and walk with Jesus. I see him jumping the pipes that are burst, I can feel him shouting out the price for the dodgy items for sale. I can see him working hard to make a living, struggling for food and water. Where I see Christ, and feel Christ, I want to be – there – with him, discovering and learning more about Jesus, as he teaches me more about myself too. in that learning, I learn to trust him for everything – for food, money, work, wisdom and so much more – love too. When I watch my pockets for robbery or theft, I do so to avoid temptation from onlookers. There can rob me if they so wish, because this is the place Christ is. When I sit in the darkness waiting for electricity to come back on, so be it. I will use that time to contemplate Christ’s presence. When I go searching for food, I will not give up because I have confidence in God to supply for my every need, not want, even if it’s a few grains of maize from the roadside, maybe its all I need. When I run out of bread, Christ is the living bread. When water is dirty, Christ is the cleanest fountain. When money runs out, I remember that is passes away to allow for the divine to take its place. When I am abused or called names for being white, I remember Christ’s suffering that comprehends all colour and race.

The hustle and bustle of the bus stands and conductors fighting for customers and venders boarding the bus to do their best to sell the little they have – the most odd and wonderful things sometimes. “2 for $1, ma socks, ma bananas, ma chips – caskets – knifes – balloons – tooth brushes” and so much more. The bus got fuller and fuller as we waited until there was only standing room. Luggage overflowed the bus and people’s heads appeared from the tops of bags. As we sat waiting for the bus to leave, people waved more items through the windows for sale. People looked twice to see if a white man had really boarded the bus. I see little children begging and I also see Jesus standing with them – his figure has become so clear to me! More “zvakanaka bananas ne socks!” I heard a baby screaming from the bus next to us, while his mother sells air time to the customers near by. Two young lads drinking heavily next to me – cheap alcohol. What amazes me is how these buses travel with 500 tons of excess luggage on top – often they arrive at the bus station tilted or extremely slow.

Penhalonga Mission

Penhalonga is in need of help at St Augustine’s Mission. The church is more split and divided and at war than ever, even though the nuns there want to be CPCA (Anglican Church). The priest issued a letter stating that CPCA members were not allowed on the mission – this includes Father Nicolas and myself. Life for the orphans on the mission is made extremely hard because of this split and divide. No one has remembered the orphans in their distress! The renegade bishops and his excommunicated priest take food and other aid and materials that are given to the orphanage home, saying that we cannot accept gifts from the CPCA members – i.e. us!

Travel to Chipinge

I travelled to Chipinge this week to start a Tariro Youth Project Cluster Group. On the bus journey to Chipinge there was a small girl with severe burns on her face. She was a friendly and lovely little girl. I wanted to sleep, but she wanted to wake me up. I want to write, but she took my pen – it was that sort of relationship all the way on the four hour journey – great hey! After a time of playing games with her over the space of a few seats, I noticed her father, who was a police officer. He has severe burns on his hands. Before I could even ask what happened, he said that he rescued her from a house fire. What love! A father who risks his life for his children. It reminds me of us and how we are with God. We bear the scars of sin but God continues to risk himself to get us and pick us up. Jesus bears the scars of sacrifice – a father who risked everything for me.

Chipinge

Chipinge was a great trip in all. We now have youth groups in Chipinge and its surrounding area, helping and reaching out to the orphans in that place. I met my first child headed family. An 18 year old who had to look after all his younger siblings because his parents died last year. They are struggling, don’t attend school and rely on help for food. This is the sort of orphan/s that TYP can really help, equipping teenagers for tomorrow.

Gaza, in Chipinge, is a high density area, not as crowded as Highfield, but more poor. The houses are a mix of some brick, some tiny rooms, some small flats, but most are just wooden shacks. What amazes me is how homely they make their shacks! We were welcomed in a dark room with beams of light streaming through the wooden panels, which formed the walls. To be honest, our garden shed in Harare is better than this was! The sofa was made of a plank of wood covered in material. We received our welcome and love and a huge beaming smile from the old lady who lived there. She is now looking after three teenagers and two other smaller orphans after her son in law dumped the children with her when his wife died last year. She simply cannot cope. Thankfully someone has help send two of the boys to school, but the rest don’t look hopefully of attending. She told us she spends her time looking for food for them all, something asking neighbours (also in shacks), as well as giving up her own meals to supply for ‘her’ children. I remember this lady as she had a huge tooth missing at the front of her mouth! Again, I hope that the TYP working in that place will help families of orphans like this one. She told us she was sad. Sad because she was tired of being tired! Sadness of trying and trying but seem to be getting no where for the children or for herself. This is the place I want to be badly! I want a shack likes hers!

This week I also visited a dairy factory within Fr Paul’s parish and stayed at a Tanganda tea plantation and estate. I got to take home some lovely milk, but more importantly I drank loads of tea. I got to pick some tea leaves with the workers and saw the finished product, which I have here in a bag!

Mount Selinda

During the week I travelled from Chipinge to the Mozambique boarder. We visited an orphanage there. There I was saddened. It claimed to be a Christian home, but the children were clearly not looked after. One girl, who was 5 years old, who looked about 3, had severe learning problems. She could not walk and she could not talk. They left her in her cot all day doing nothing and with no one to interact with. This girl had severe ring worm in her arms as well as bruises on her arms also. I didn’t question the maids there about the bruises, but I asked why ring worm wasn’t treated when there was a hospital smack bang next door. I questioned why no one spent ANY time with this girl or why no one spoke to her. Even when they introduced her to us, they poked her and made her stand up against the cot, knowing full well she cannot stand! This poor little girl remained on my mind all night. I just wanted to take her with me and relieve her of her suffering. This girl was clearly abused, but received no help for her problems. I didn’t know what to do for her, all I can do for her is pray. Social welfare won’t act if I tell them and the maids at the home will deny any knowledge of this girl’s condition. The reason they gave for not talking or playing with her, is because she ‘can’t respond back to us.’

Setting up a home has not been easy. I have always had a dream to set up a home. A dream of a home for myself and a home for my family and a home for my friends. They say home is where the heart is, and this statement could not be more true. Home is where you find love. This is where my vision to open a home for teenagers begins – with love. Without love we are nothing. Without love families crumble and separate.

Where was I to start in building a safe place, a place of love, for teenagers? How could I help teenagers when all they had experienced in life was everything but love and a home? How could I love them and make them family?

Tariro House was officially opened on 29^th August with a house party and celebration. Here I was, in Zimbabwe – to me a foreign place – and I was to lead a home, build it up and create a safe environment for those who had never had it.

Byron and Edwin moved in before the house was opened. They helped, and continue to help me, understand Shona culture and living. Families work very different here. The role of women and men are very different also. Relationships are viewed on very differently and the gift of children is seen in a very different way to which I am used to.

After we opened a few weeks ago, Martin, Jawett and Harry moved in. Martin 23, Jawett 14 and Harry 15. Their stories are all different and moving. These young adults are all orphans, either from birth or a young age. They almost know nothing different – no experience of family life, rather institutions where they are churned through the system. I am determined to make a difference in their lives and transform them into loving, caring and motivated young adults.

My first task was not only making the house liveable, with lots of help from donors at Avondale Church and other people in Zimbabwe, but it was to operate discipline from the very beginning. Teenagers come to us unmotivated and discouraged because of all the problems that Zimbabwe has faced over the past ten years. Teenagers come to us with bad habits, which are even unacceptable in Shona culture. They have been ignored over these years. Ignored by the very people they thought they could trust. The teenagers we work with have even been ignored by their parents, making them orphans or disowning them from a young age. They have never had a father figure (or mother figure) to turn round to them and simply say ‘no that’s wrong, you cannot do that.’ Sadly they have had to learn the hard way and the hard way tells them that it is OK to be lazy. Because they have not been loved, they find it very hard to love. My first task is to motivate youngsters. We have to tell them that things can be better if they just get up and do something about it. We can provide the platform and the ladders to get going, but they have to own their lives. Discipline is not easy. It makes me look bossy and mean and it make me feel guilty and bad. However, discipline that springs from love and care for these teenagers can help transform their lives. Telling teenagers not to laze around when they could be creating work, to clean up after they have made a mess and to fix things when they brake is jolly hard work!! Out of this discipline I have noticed that I have gained respect from these teenagers. They acknowledge that I am trying to make a difference in their lives. I am waiting for the day, and I hope it never comes, when someone cannot accept that help and we have to say we simply cannot help them.

Harry came to us last week from a local children’s home near by. His story is very sad. We know he was in a juvenile prison in Zimbabwe for some time. He ended up here, not because he was an offender or criminal or not because he had learning difficulties or behavioural problems. He was simply in this prison because he begged for a new home after his previous care home closed. Thankfully the prison closed in January 2009 due to lack or resources, aid and supplies. Harry has not spoken much to anyone about what he saw, but the few stories that he had shared with us are disturbing. We are working with Harry to improve his school work and to ensure he has full and proper counselling as soon as possible. Saying this, over the past few days he has really come alive within the house. He has been able to relax a bit more, knowing he is loved and has a new home here with us.

In our home we have already experienced challenges, and somehow I have to prepare for many more to come. However, we have already experienced change and joy. We attend church as a family. We talk like a family and we are getting to know one another. We are working with one another to improve lives.

I have never been a father and I never will be by blood. I don’t truly know what it is like. I am learning however. My father was not with me for a few years of my life, but I can only see this as a blessing. It was when my dad did not see me I realise what I needed him for and how much I loved him. It was only when I was not with my dad that I understood what fatherly things I missed and needed. The same counts for my relationship with my mother. I understand how much I need that motherly love and care (still!) in my life, when I am not with her. In theory I have many parents now. I have sponsors and spiritual parents, I have friends who look out for me and fill the gaps that no one else can, but this does not compare to the love of a real father or real mother. I don’t know life without my parents, knowing they are not around. I cannot imagine what life is like for the teenagers I work with. One thing I do know is that God has always been a father to them and to me. It is because he is my father and their father that I really love these teenagers! He has given me a passion for them because he loves them the same way he loves me. Knowing God’s love makes me want to give it to others.