Tariro House Update

Setting up a home has not been easy. I have always had a dream to set up a home. A dream of a home for myself and a home for my family and a home for my friends. They say home is where the heart is, and this statement could not be more true. Home is where you find love. This is where my vision to open a home for teenagers begins – with love. Without love we are nothing. Without love families crumble and separate.

Where was I to start in building a safe place, a place of love, for teenagers? How could I help teenagers when all they had experienced in life was everything but love and a home? How could I love them and make them family?

Tariro House was officially opened on 29th August with a house party and celebration. Here I was, in Zimbabwe – to me a foreign place – and I was to lead a home, build it up and create a safe environment for those who had never had it.

Byron and Edwin moved in before the house was opened. They helped, and continue to help me, understand Shona culture and living. Families work very different here. The role of women and men are very different also. Relationships are viewed on very differently and the gift of children is seen in a very different way to which I am used to.

After we opened a few weeks ago, Martin, Jawett and Harry moved in. Martin 23, Jawett 14 and Harry 15. Their stories are all different and moving. These young adults are all orphans, either from birth or a young age. They almost know nothing different – no experience of family life, rather institutions where they are churned through the system. I am determined to make a difference in their lives and transform them into loving, caring and motivated young adults.

My first task was not only making the house liveable, with lots of help from donors at Avondale Church and other people in Zimbabwe, but it was to operate discipline from the very beginning. Teenagers come to us unmotivated and discouraged because of all the problems that Zimbabwe has faced over the past ten years. Teenagers come to us with bad habits, which are even unacceptable in Shona culture. They have been ignored over these years. Ignored by the very people they thought they could trust. The teenagers we work with have even been ignored by their parents, making them orphans or disowning them from a young age. They have never had a father figure (or mother figure) to turn round to them and simply say ‘no that’s wrong, you cannot do that.’ Sadly they have had to learn the hard way and the hard way tells them that it is OK to be lazy. Because they have not been loved, they find it very hard to love. My first task is to motivate youngsters. We have to tell them that things can be better if they just get up and do something about it. We can provide the platform and the ladders to get going, but they have to own their lives. Discipline is not easy. It makes me look bossy and mean and it make me feel guilty and bad. However, discipline that springs from love and care for these teenagers can help transform their lives. Telling teenagers not to laze around when they could be creating work, to clean up after they have made a mess and to fix things when they brake is jolly hard work!! Out of this discipline I have noticed that I have gained respect from these teenagers. They acknowledge that I am trying to make a difference in their lives. I am waiting for the day, and I hope it never comes, when someone cannot accept that help and we have to say we simply cannot help them.

Martin came to us after we met him at Shearly Cripps Orphanage. There was no doubt that the clerk and staff at the orphanage wanted him gone, simply because he was too old. He is 23 and works extremely hard in various tasks and job skills. He enjoys gardening, farming, plumbing and electrics. He would like to be an engineer or mechanic. He is very much hard working and even motivated to some extent. However, he lacks something in his character. I think it may be because he has never had the chance to grow up. From the age of 5 he has worked in the fields at his orphanage. At school he would have been teased for being an orphan. He has had to fend for himself and look after himself for a long time without instruction, teaching, help or more importantly, love.

Harry came to us last week from a local children’s home near by. His story is very sad. We know he was in a juvenile prison in Zimbabwe for some time. He ended up here, not because he was an offender or criminal or not because he had learning difficulties or behavioural problems. He was simply in this prison because he begged for a new home after his previous care home closed. Thankfully the prison closed in January 2009 due to lack or resources, aid and supplies. Harry has not spoken much to anyone about what he saw, but the few stories that he had shared with us are disturbing. We are working with Harry to improve his school work and to ensure he has full and proper counselling as soon as possible. Saying this, over the past few days he has really come alive within the house. He has been able to relax a bit more, knowing he is loved and has a new home here with us.

In our home we have already experienced challenges, and somehow I have to prepare for many more to come. However, we have already experienced change and joy. We attend church as a family. We talk like a family and we are getting to know one another. We are working with one another to improve lives.
I have never been a father and I never will be by blood. I don’t truly know what it is like. I am learning however. My father was not with me for a few years of my life, but I can only see this as a blessing. It was when my dad did not see me I realise what I needed him for and how much I loved him. It was only when I was not with my dad that I understood what fatherly things I missed and needed. The same counts for my relationship with my mother. I understand how much I need that motherly love and care (still!) in my life, when I am not with her. In theory I have many parents now. I have sponsors and spiritual parents, I have friends who look out for me and fill the gaps that no one else can, but this does not compare to the love of a real father or real mother. I don’t know life without my parents, knowing they are not around. I cannot imagine what life is like for the teenagers I work with. One thing I do know is that God has always been a father to them and to me. It is because he is my father and their father that I really love these teenagers! He has given me a passion for them because he loves them the same way he loves me. Knowing God’s love makes me want to give it to