News Article

http://news.bbc.co.uk/local/suffolk/hi/people_and_places/religion_and_ethics/newsid_8410000/8410723.stm Suffolk Christian aims to complete Zimbabwe hostel work

By Jon Wright BBC Suffolk This woman looks after her sister's children, orphaned by HIV/AIDS A Suffolk Christian is hoping to return to Zimbabwe to continue a project helping teenage orphans after flying back early over security fears. Carl Melville was setting up a hostel in Harare for young people who are too old for the local orphanages. The Foreign and Commonwealth Office says the county "remains unpredictable and could deteriorate without warning". "It was mainly being poked and pushed around when going to town," said Carl. "We felt hugely vulnerable." Carl has been to Zimbabwe twice before on shorter trips, but set off in June 2009 for a six month stay to get the Tariro Orphanage started. The project mission statement was "to deliver not only a home but a high level of interaction, teaching, learning and community involvement, teaching a lost generation to rebuild Zimbabwe". The project helped Tatenda which means 'thank you' Making a difference "On a whole it was a brilliant mission," Carl told BBC Suffolk. "I'd realised that teenagers were forgotten about, they became homeless, they dropped out of school and life is hard for them. "It made me feel sad, guilty. I could go on with a whole list of words, but it made me excited that I could actually do something for them." The hostel Carl helped start had room for 10 young people. Local orphanages are only able to provide care for children until they are 14-years-old. "When you think that there's 1.3 million orphans in Zimbabwe, it's sad that half of them will go homeless and be hungry, struggle to find money and clean water and education." Carl and his team tried to live their lives at the same level as local people, which included travelling on buses. "We had to use public transport which is not advised for white people. "Towards the end of the mission we did experience some racist comments: anti-British and anti-white, so I cut the trip short. "The government has done a very good job of making people feel that the British are no good." Support for the president Despite Robert Mugabe's image in Europe, Carl was surprised at the level of support he appeared to have. President Mugabe still appears popular in rural Zimbabwe "In the rural areas you get a huge feeling that Mugabe is still their president, that he's wanted by these people. "There's lots of support for Zanu-PF." Now he's back in the UK Carl says he will continue to raise money for Zimbabwe's poor, but he also wants the international community to take a tougher stance. "I'm surprised we haven't done something already to put pressure on Mugabe. "Lots of people like our team and NGOs and charities are doing as much as they can to help, but there needs to be a stronger more powerful voice in Zimbabwe. "I hope I'll pay many more visits. "I've seen and been on the end of aid and seen how critical our donations from this end of the world are to places like Zimbabwe to the poor and needy there. "Just those 10 people we were able to help all makes a difference."

Christmas

Well, it's been a while since I posted my last blog entry. I have been to Mirfield Monastery in West Yorkshire for the past week and must say I had a really good time there! I was so pleased to see all the monks again and spend some time with them. They know how I am feeling, this broken sort of feeling, as they have 'been there and done that.' Relating my experiences in England to those in Zimbabwe will be a life time process, they have helped me understand that. It was also good to go back there because nothing has changed and I was able to fit back into the pattern of life, almost picking up from where I left off. There was stability and routine, which is what I was longing for.

I am going to start a parish placement in January in Handsworth, Sheffield, with a priest who trained at Mirfield. I will be leading the youth work and helping with music in the services. The work looks large but definately something to get my teeth stuck into, as it were.

The snow is so wonderful! It is so beautiful! I know it has caused so many problems for the country, but I can't help but look at it's beauty. It's a bit of a difference from Africa's heat though! Christmas preperations have been going well and to be honest I have not had to do much! I'm living on the breadline at the moment, so people are not expecting presents and so on.

I am hoping this Christmas will be special as it will be the first Christmas I have spent with my family for two or three years. I was quite expecting to spend Christmas in Africa, but I am glad to be back.

So here we are, near the ending of the year, celebrating Christmas. It's difficult to celebrate how God would want to choose to step into the realms of limitation and human-ness! I think we under celebrate this fact! God made man, the Word made flesh, Emmanuel, God with Us (God with You!). I was watching Emmerdale last night and the Vicar, although didn't mention Christ, mentioned how Christmas is about relationships. Christmas is about our relationships with others but more importantly it's about our relationship with God restored and upheld. This year, it is easier for me to understand the position of Mary and Joseph as they were chosen out of poverty to raise a King. I have heard so many stories over the past six months of Kings coming out of poverty. God has the ability to shatter poverty and make us rich. Christmas is our hope of a life with him. A relationship with a baby, a baby so great that no one could stop him - Pilate tried to, but they could find nothing wrong with him, the pharisees had to lie to bring him down, and death could not hold him. Christmas is also about this bigger picture, knowing, in light of Christ's death and new life, that we are bigger than the world we are in because Christ, the meek and mild of all things, this baby, lives inside of us and can conquer evil. A baby can overcome Satan.

Today, we must call on this babe to bring peace to HIS broken world. Wars must end because we know this baby. Fights must cease because we are in a relationship with the Christ Child.

How sweet to hold a new born baby, and feel the pride and joy he gives,
But greater still, the calm assurance, this babe can face uncertain days because Christ lives!

Remembering the past...

It’s funny how some of us remember things from our childhood or our past. I remember so many incidents from my childhood, although so many of the good memories I simply cannot remember.

I remember falling down a long ladder leading up to the loft at our Combs bungalow. I’m not sure how old I was, but no older than five. Being such an inquisitive child I climbed up the ladder to the loft following my dad, who was taking up some boxes and sorting his guns out in his cabnet. I clearly remember missing on of the ladder runs and falling a long way to the ground, banging my head numerous times on the runs of the ladder and the wall. My dad heard the thud of me hitting the ground and jumped down to get me. Apart from screaming the house down and having a sore head, I seemed quite fine and fell asleep crying in my dad’s arms. No major injuries at least! When my mum returned home she found me in bed asleep, but woke me up because she saw my face was black and blue all over. I remember feeling alright. The next day I went to play school as usual, in fact, I remember walking with my nana. It wasn’t long after playing with my friends that I began feeling sick and very dizzy. With that I was sick and the play school leader phoned my parents to pick me up. I can remember the hospital visit and feeling rather glad I didn’t have to go to playschool for quite a while! My play school leader still works in Combs but now in the supermarket there. She doesn’t remember me but I will never forget her kind face.

On another occasion I burnt my bum on an iron. I was being rather naughty and winding my mum up, so she took my kite off me. She put it in the place where I hated things going – on top of the kitchen wall cabnets. I could never sneakily get things back if they were put there! Mum was busy doing the ironing, but left to put some folded clothes away in one of the rooms. At this quick chance I had, I worked out a way of climbing onto the work surface by using the washing machine door. I grabbed the kite down from the cupboard and as I bent over to climb back I touched the iron. For a few seconds I was OK, but then let out an almighty scream. I remember feeling the sting and pain of the burn for ages but I was most interested with the shape it left on my cheek! The burn mark has gone now, but I still remember that day. Although it was bad at the time, it is awfully funny looking back.

I also remember my parents divorce. They did an awful job of keeping it quiet from us. I remember my two brothers sitting watching TV while I was listening at the hall way door to the arguments and discussions my parents were having. I kept making things up to my brothers saying that mum and dad were going to buy lots of lollipops and bring them home. However, my brothers knew the score already and clearly told me in return that they were discussing where dad was going to live. I remember not understanding, thinking we were all going to move. They said no, only dad was moving. I remember being stunned, even at such a young age. Speechless, probably for the first time in my short life!

It’s funny the things we remember isn’t it. I remember other things as well of course, but none quite as vivid as these three strange incidences. So what am I going on about?

Well, some people say that life isn’t about the past. But I disagree. I don’t think we should live in the past, but I do believe that the past does matter. What HAS happened to us has a huge impact on our lives, the future and the present. What I have been doing, after returning from Zimbabwe, is try to piece together a large jigsaw puzzle. The puzzle is my life and the purpose of it, the reasons I do certain things and think certain things and it is about why I am alive. You’ve probably heard we cannot change the past, but we can change the future. Before we walk along the path of life, we have to build it. We can build it with lumps and rocks in our way if we want too, or we can have a clear, smooth path on which to walk. In other words we can let the things that have happened to us in the past affect our future, or we can choose to overcome the past and move on fruitfully, growing in confidence and love. My trip to Zimbabwe has exposed me to many things that I wish I hadn’t had seen or experienced – facing the poor, homeless children, the little abused girl at Mt Selinda orphanage – however, these things are changing my life (still) and they will affect my future. I can forget them but then I will have learnt nothing and the trip would have been pointless. I can remember them and move on in my life to a place where God can make me a better person because of what has happened. How can I use the memories of the poor and the memories of those in need to make my life better, to make me more loving and to make me a better follower and friend of Jesus? I can I piece together the jigsaw of all I have experienced in my whole life to understand the bigger picture so I am more aware of the needs of my neighbour?

New Plans...

Well, today has been a rather good day. This morning I was on the radio (link below), just to blow my own trumpet. I also went to visit St Mary's Parish Church, Handsworth, in Sheffield, where I hope to be on a placement from January. The primary task here will be to develop youth work, reaching out to schools, youth groups and other groups to bring in young people. Other jobs may include helping to develop the music and service for the Sunday Family Eucharists, which is what I love doing! The people were so welcoming and it was so refreshing to worship with them this morning (and for the Christingle service!!)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p005glb0/Luke_Deals_Sunday_Breakfast_13_12_2009/

Love

Just to continue what I was saying. I got from a good friend this very powerful sentence:

Love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing compared with love in dreams.

This is awfully powerful, dreadful but SO true. If I've learnt one thing in my life, especially from Zimbabwe, it would be this.

Back in England

Well I have been back in England for less than a week. Already I am missing Africa, particularly all the friends I made there. I met some fantastic people who so freely supported me and the work I was doing. I also met some people who were just simply amazing. I met people with amazing stories, people with some fantastic and moving testimonies and other people who were just wonderful people to be with.

I have been asking what I am going to do next in the period leading up to September 2010 when I start college. There may be the possibility of working in a parish in Sheffield and this is being investigated.

I love being home, but I am missing Zimbabwe! I have been visiting all my friends here and have been feeling a bit of a burden trying to fit into their busy schedules. Friends in Africa would MAKE time, but here it’s like booking an appointment. I guess I will have to get used to that again! Already I have noticed that I am so much more laid back than I was before. My attitude when something annoys or irritates me is so much more gentle than it was before. My experience in Zimbabwe has filled me with patience and love. I am such a better person to be with and to know. I now will make time to see people rather than just ‘fitting them in’ to a busy lifestyle. I am going to go against the grain of what we know to be English culture to love and care for people more. Jesus said that by this all men will know that you are my disciples. I think what this is, is me wanting to be a better and more dedicated disciple of Christ, who fills me with love.

9/12/09

I have been back nearly one week now. I am finding it really hard to balance a life style that shows care for those in Zimbabwe and one that reflects my concern for their lives and a lifestyle that opts for the poor and for the environment. I am missing deeply the children and the people who we worked with. I am also missing the daily challenge of helping someone, whoever it may be. This week I have just been moping around not doing much, feeling sorry for myself and for the world.

Father Oswin emailed me and, as usual, emailed words I needed to hear, filled by power and meaning. He said that I needed to offer my frustrations and feelings to God. After all, he created the world, this is his world and he can deal with it. I need to offer back to him my life and my concerns for all his children, especially the orphans, who are on his heart. God has given me a passion and vision for orphans, whom he also has a passion and vision for. I have to thank God that he has allowed me to share in HIS vision and praise him because he knows the outcome.

Over the past week, I have been thinking about myself and about how I can balance all the parts of my life to help others around me. My sexuality has obviously popped up. Being ‘gay’ is much more about the sex of people you choose to have sex with, as so many people think it is. In fact, I would argue that sexuality makes up your whole lifestyle. My sexuality reflects, yes who I fancy, but also how I act, how I judge situations and respond to them. My sexuality, more importantly, also reflects how I love others. Because I have faced a difficult time of being judged all the time, I realise how important it is not to do the same to others. I know how important it is to treat others with respect and decency. But, more importantly, God teaches me how to love through my sexuality. If it wasn’t for me being homosexual, I would not have gone to Africa. If it wasn’t for my sexuality being how it is, I would be a totally different person, and certainly would not have become a Christian. I would know God’s love in different way, if at all and I would love people differently, if at all! God has taught me how to love his children all over the world. I have so many supporters and friends who love me too. Life is about finding acceptance, but it should also be about helping others find that love and acceptance, and that is something, I am proud to sa, that God has revealed to me. Life is a constant journey to find love and acceptance and Christianity is no exception to that. Christians seek God because they want to be loved. They are loved by something bigger and unexplainable. I believe that homosexuals find it easy to give everything to God, to be Christians, because they are searching for love and acceptance, constantly. So, I am proud to be gay and I would never wish or pray to change. In fact, I ask that God confirms it every day in my life, so I can go on continuing to fight for the cause of those who are weaker than me – gay people, poor, orphans… I will fight for their cause, simply because I know that God loves them like he loves me – that is something worth fighting for! The fight in the church isn’t about priests being gay or who they sleep with. It is a fight for acceptance and love on both sides. As we fight we uncover the weaknesses of both sides fighting. One side sees that they cannot love and the sees that they need to love more. We are threatened by this unveiling and scared by the truth so we continuing the fighting. We are scared because we thought we could love each other, but in fact God exposes that we have loved on our terms, not on his. His love requires sacrifice and pain. Arguing comfortably cuts no mustard with him unless we have put ourselves out to identify, however much we hate it, with those we are arguing against.

I know that this feeling of pain will take years to leave me, if it does leave me at all. Part of me wants it to leave because it’s uncomfortable and tears me. However, another part of me wants it to stay because in that pain of finding out who I am and who God is, I have learnt, and continue to learn to love. Love, for me IS Christianity – God IS love.

Home??

Hello everyone! I arrived home this morning after a very good flight into Gatwick from Harare Airport.

I have to admit I shed a few tears last night on the plane while taking off. It was a sad moment for me! My African mum, african sister and African Aunt all came with me to the airport - probably making it even harder for me to leave without tears.

I won't miss having to buy bread for the little street children. However, I will miss the feeling I got when I handed a loaf over to them and seeing them so thankful.

I won't miss the smell of Penhalonga orphanage. However, I will miss the excited little children who pulled, poked and pushed me around. I will miss hearing their laughter against the background of poverty in that place.

I won't miss not having electricity constantly. However, I will miss the way that living without it brought everyone together.

I won't miss the long walks to and from the shops and town. However, I will miss all the people we met along the way.

I won't miss the constant hastle from the market holders to buy their goods every time we walked past. However, I will miss knowing they are desperate for a $. I will miss the guilt of just walking by.

Strangely, I will miss Africa and everything it brought to me. I am thankful for Africa and ask God to always bless her. Africa has changed my life. I think now I am actually a 'nice' person. Before I could walk past the homeless without caring. Now, at least I think twice. Being in Africa makes you look so much more harder about the story behind the face - it makes you love people for who they are. I now wouldn't hesitate to buy the Big Issue or a coffee for a homeless person, even if it meant I would go with out. One thing I will miss from Zimbabwe is buying numerous loaves of bread in the supermarket, expecting to see street children. At Penhalonga I gave my last $5 to a girl who couldn't pay her school fees. I had nothing left, in fact Meredith would have had to pay the bus fare home for me.

Africa has taught me about myself and about life. I so often think the world should change. Of course, we want poverty eradicated, but is it really ever going to happen? Probably not!! In fact, the world doesn't need to change - we need to change and the world changes with us.

Learning to love is a painful step, as I have found out so clearly in Africa. Zimbabwe's children have broke my heart, the street kids have made me cry, the poor and sick who don't have access to the basics in life have broken me. It is only now, probably for the first time REALLY in my life, that Jesus has been able to REALLY come in and get involved with my life. Only TODAY have I felt Jesus like never before.

God Bless Africa, Guard her children, Guide her leaders, and give her peace. Amen.

I will keep updating my blog to let you know how my time at Mirfield and in Africa is effecting my life here, now.

The Future!

28/11/09

Well the troubles with the chairman continued when I arrived back from a fantastic trip at Penhalonga, apart from having the flu. I thought the differences and attitude shown by our chairman had calmed down, but obviously not. Now he is accusing both me and Meredith of some pretty rubbish stuff, like ‘starving the boys in the house’ and ‘being white means lacking compassion, therefore whites should not work with children.’ At first I thought I had upset him and just pushed the wrong button, now I’m sure it’s more than just me, but more racially motivated. I have left the house already, but his attitude to try to ‘stop every project I get involved with’ is just totally evil. He has an attitude that people are saying is bitter and filled with hate, which is rather sad. He is trying to report me to the authorities and although he has no case to argue with, I am not even risking the justice system here as it is simply unfair and diabolical!

Anyway I am flying home on Wednesday evening and should arrive early Thursday morning into Gatwick. I can’t say how excited I am about flying back. I love it here and I am more than sure that God wants me here. Also, however, he wants me to be safe, so he is leading me to safer grounds, where I am loved (hopefully) and where this evil work that is chasing away the good work of so many people, cannot affect me.

Am I sad? YES – extremely sad. I am sad because I wanted to see the whole year through and I am also sad at the fact that somehow, maybe one day I will know how, I have upset someone and made them be filled with such hatred that they feel they have to affect the work of so many people here in Zim, in a place that needs so much help.

However, I have set out what I achieved to do. At 22 years old, I have literally made a pile of bricks a home and opened a safe haven for teenage orphans. I am concerned that that work will be spoilt by the current management that doesn’t seem to give a diddly-sqat about the way things are run and managed, about their trustees and members and about the person who had the vision for the home in the first place!

My work with orphans will never be stopped however and I plan to continue raising money in England for orphans in Zimbabwe, especially for education and health care. Last week we paid for two girls to go to school in Penhalonga. I was down to my very last $5USD note. One girl owed the school $5USD (about £3) but was suspended because she couldn’t find the money to pay. We took her to the school and paid the cost and she returned to school THAT day! God is good! Another girl hadn’t been to school all year and needed $90 to attend for the whole year. Fr Nicolas had told me that he had some money given to him for this, and so we offered to pay for her school fees. Nyasha, who is 22, who we have been helping for sometime, needed a job and someone to live, in Harare. Meredith knew a contact who employs young people as apprentices, gives them work and a small salary to get them on their feet. Today we found somewhere for him to live. This is how I will continue working with young orphans, and I hope people at home will help me by sponsoring a child for school or raising money so we can help as many orphans in the community as possible. When one path is blocked, God opens another very quickly, and this he opened the next day. I have NO doubt in me that this is one of the things God wants me to do – have a passion for those children whom he has a passion for himself. We also came across a little boy asking for money, so I went into the supermarket and brought him a loaf of bread.

I would like people NOT to give to Tariro Youth Project as it is being run at the moment. Rather, donations and money can go to Fr Nicolas at CR with a CLEAR request to be used for Carl’s Mission Project. Also another CD is being recorded with the local church choir, and practices are sounding good. I won’t be here for the recording, but it should be around in February time all being well.

Well the decision to fly home was rather quick, as things here are tricky enough without the added troubles of an angry chairman! I’m not entirely sure what I will be doing, although raising money for Zimbabwe is still a high MUST. I am willing to preach, do talk, evenings and so on to raise money, as well as inform you generally of the work we have done in Zimbabwe since I came in July.

"Mission goes out from God. Mission is God's way of loving and saving the world...”

(Lambeth Conference 1998, Section II p121).

So, from here my blogs probably won’t be very interesting, however, I will try my very best to keep it updated and interesting – some how! I hope you have enjoyed reading as much as I have enjoyed writing down what I have experienced? I particularly found the Chipinge Experience moving, meeting those two little girls, one with burns and another who was being abused but had serious learning disabilities. I won’t forget them or any of the other amazing people I have met over the past four months and before! I won’t forget Zimbabwe. God has totally rocked my little and comfortable world. God has totally changed me into a person who cares about every person I come across, whereas before I would have walked past. God has taught me new things about myself, things good and bad, things that need improving and others that need toning down. God has exposed my weaknesses and given me new strengths. This strength is in God: a God who cares for his world and for his people and a God who loves us all so very dearly. I know you’ve probably heard that before, but do you really know it? I thought I did until I came here! To wake up every day and see suffering, quite literally, all around takes some getting used to. To try and balance your faith with all the suffering also takes some getting used to. To try and find Jesus in everything takes some seeking. But, in Jesus’ gentle and loving way, he is there – here, and he takes great joy in being found. He takes great pride in being associated with those who suffer and he humiliates the rich as he celebrates with the lives of all those who are poor and starving and hurting and bleeding. I have seen that – hurting, bleeding, pain, even in children. My faith keeps asking me why is this happening and why aren’t we, the rich, doing more to help, in fact, to stop, this great darkness of hurt and pain. But in response to my faith’s questions, my Jesus replies I am always with you, I will never leave you, I love you, my children. Every day I wake up to see a new beggar or child who needs even a few dollars and every day my heart asks these questions – why, how? Every day, 24 hours, each little minute, each tiny second, I don’t stop thinking, I must do more… I can only do more… I would love to do more… I don’t know why I can’t face this human pain and suffering without questions and quizzes, but I do know, somehow, not sure how, but somehow, Jesus is here and that he loves me and that he loves every person.

A mission is a journey that you take to live out God’s vision. God’s vision is to see every human, especially the poor and hungry, vulnerable and weak, loved – by his Son, Jesus. Somehow I have stepped onto the same path that Jesus has been walking since the beginning of time. It is a walk with humanity at its most worst; a walk with humanity that strips the insides and leaves you feeling empty, but fulfilled; a walk that takes about your wealth, but leaves you feeling rich; a walk that lowers your status, but puts you on the highest possible level; a walk where danger is fully visible, but where you are shielded and protected by a love that conquers fear.

God is faithful to his promises. He promised me a family of children, even though I cannot have children of my own. A little girl in Chipinge turned to ask me, after playing a game with the group: “Morongu (white man), will you be my daddy?” My reply, after a moment’s thought, was “yes, I already am and Jesus has taught me how to be.”

Father Timothy from CR said to me in an email that love and pain often go together. At first, I thought he meant that they go ‘well together’. Thinking about it, they don’t. However, they do meet. In that pain you can find love and you can find the ability to love the unloved. The pain of that love is often where it starts – with us. My pain comes when I try and truly understand that I am loved by God, by someone, by anyone at all. When I try and answer ‘why’ people love me in the first place at all. Of course, I will never understand, and maybe I will always feel that pain. I do know that in wanting to know and in wanting to understand, God uses me to love the unloved. My pain sits alongside the pain of so many others in our world, my experiences speak to so many other people who walk through the same experiences, and my life speaks to those whose lives need Jesus. This is the only answer I have, the only way forward I know. Otherwise we may sit around in darkness and pain all our lives. My pain makes prayer difficult, at times a real struggle. But that tiny assurance of love, however small it feels at times, means I am able to mumble a few words. Sometimes I’m not sure what I want to pray for, but God just gives me the one or two words I need.

I hope that on my return to England, I will be able to piece together just one more piece to life’s jigsaw puzzle. I hope that God will reveal to me one more scar to add to the rest. I also hope that God will continue to relieve the pain and suffering and attend to the cries of all those children in Zimbabwe.

30/11/09

So, on Wednesday I leave Zimbabwe! How Am I feeling? Excited as well as sad! I will be out of the way of the firing line of a very angry African man and also be flying home to merry ole England! WOO!

I’m not entirely sure what the future holds for me now, but I hope to continue fund raising after Christmas and also develop my spirituality, putting into practice and trying to make sense of all the things I learnt at Mirfield and also in Africa.

20/11/09

20/11/09

The bus journey to Mutare was as interesting as ever – I don’t think it matters what type of bus you travel on, new or old, what counts are the people you travel with on the bus! We had a brand new bus that sparkled. The people on the bus were so amusing. As usual at every stop we were harassed by vendors on the roadside selling their odd bits and bobs, including socks, biscuits and so on. One wonders how I would use a bike pump on a bus journey or a full blown swimming toy on my three hours journey – anyway! The usual couple of beggars boarded the bus along the way, travelling up and down the moving bus singing their heart out to earn a few USD$. The singing is always rather nice however, and often very moving, because it is a plea.

Arriving at Penhalonga is always a blessing after climbing the rather steep hill. We were greeted by the sisters who left everything to carry our baggage and goods. The children somehow hear we are walking up the hill and all run down to greet us, almost knocking me over as they jump on me! Each visit, the mission looks more and more battered and tired. The leak on the orphanage roof still is not fixed! The children look messier and messier with holes in their clothes and no shoes on.

The orphanage is still in the middle of the church’s row over who really is the rightful bishop. On Sunday we are going to the consecration of the “undoubted” and truthful bishop of the Church of the Province of Central Africa. My concern and prayer however is for the children across of the diocese affected by this row.

We are being looked after so well by the sisters and they are already excited about Sunday’s BIG service in Mutare. It will be good to see the priests I worked with in Chipinge and the Honde Valley also. I hope and pray that the service will go smoothly without interruptions or disturbances

Tonight, we finished reading George’s Marvellous Medicine to the children. It has taken us since January as we only read a chapter each time we come! Finally we are throw and George is now famous for the mess he caused!

Being on the Mission is so special. There is still a sense of history and prayerfulness here, despite the upsets of the church and country. You can feel the past and present time of prayer that the CR fathers, the OHP sister and now the CZR sisters revolve in. in some sense, its like a relay of prayer from one generation to another and has been here for over 100 years. The Angelus bell is rung every day at 6am, noon and 6pm and the sound spreads across the mission and into the valley. Everyone stops for those few seconds. You can hear the other bells around the mission ringing from the schools.

Today it rained for the first time in Penhalonga this year. You can see how the rain hit the ground and you can smell a freshness that has been locked up for a year or so, ready to burst. Praying for rain may sound a funny concept, but here it really is a matter of life or death. If the rains don’t come, then the people are not fed. Leading up the rainy season is a series of prayers in Churches led by the people. In England, I always moan when it rains, but never again! Rain is created by God, every drop and it is essential to our life here on earth.

Electricity is constantly off and on here, more off than on to be honest! It makes the days short because everyone retires after supper and church. People who live here are used to not having electricity and they cope perfectly well without it.

After supper tonight, with no electricity, we sang songs, as we usually do. We watched sister Elizabeth dance and we sang the African anthem.

Life here at Penhalonga is tough for everyone, especially the children and sadly the church makes things worse for everyone, not better (hoping this will change!). Your stereotypes of Zimbabwe are fulfilled here, but what shines through is how happy everyone is!

22/11/09

Today was an awfully long day, but one of the most liberating days since I have been in Zimbabwe! The consecration of the new bishop (Aslan!) took place with over 3,000 Anglicans in attendance from around the diocese and other part of Zimbabwe. Bishops from all over the world came and attended. There was a great procession of people singing and dancing on their way tot eh showground, telling everyone of the Gospel of Jesus and also the delights of His Church. People here now know that it is not about know sits in the office, but about who the church appoints. The political elections work the same – it’s not about who is in the office, but rather who the people appoint. We had great fund singing and dancing through the streets. I got to join in the huge procession for the service, as a ordinand.

I wrote this hymn today, for our church at Avondale:

Tune: Ascendit Deus 888 D

Lord of the Church, we ask you now

To fill your people here below;

Your people here at Avondale.

O bring your people to their knees

And fill us with that fire of peace,

O God of truth and love, come down.

We ask, O Lord, to bless and guide

All those who lead your Holy Bride,

To fill your church with pow’r and grace.

Bless as we stumble, trip and fall,

Come now, O Joy unspeakable,

O God of truth and love, come down.

We pray, O Lord, direct and teach

Your Holy Way amongst the weak,

our feeble, frail and orphaned lives.

We offer you our sacrifice,

Fall on our knees, please make a right,

O God of truth and love, come down.

O Lord of love, fill now our lives

Come quickly and restore your bride,

Make us as in the heavens above.

Fill us with love to do your will,

Protect and guard your children, still

O God of truth and love, come down.

All glory, praise and honour to

the Father, Maker, Love Divine;

the Son in whom our God is known;

the Spirit who now fills our lives

With passion for this world of strife –

O God of truth and love, come down!

time to end?

Due to a series of sad events and a number of racist accusations and comments from our chairman, I have decided to come back home to England on Thursday. Zimbabwe is not brillantly safe for white people anyway, without the added problems of our chairman.

I have been keeping my blog on my laptop, from my week at Penhalonga and my final thoughts of the pain and poverty here in Zimbabwe I have tried to confront. I hope to post this tomorrow, so watch this blog!

Latest

I may get round to writing a proper blog soon, the past few weeks ahve been murder here!

Our friend whoo was here from England, a doctor, got flown to Jo'burg because he was ill and Zim hospitals couldn't cope with his medical insurance. Anyway all is sorted now, but the past few weeks has made us see the good health care (private) that Zim has, the docs and nurses were so good to all of us.

Hope to write a longer blog soon!

Words of Wisdom, from a Monk

Carl

Thank you for your email and for showing me something of the pain and suffering which you are mixed up with in Zimbabwe. Love and suffering so often go together; I know how lovable African kids are and it must be awful seeing them suffer and not being able to do anything about it.

I am glad you did succeed in getting that project off the ground. But even if you hadn’t it would have been well worth trying. I reckon that I have had my share of failures during my life. Nicolas thinks that I admit defeat too easily; perhaps he is right. But I do believe that there is something more important than success or failure; it is just the desire to love God and to do his will, and to leave the results to him.

news so far

12^th November

I am now staying at Venitia and Richard’s from Church. They said they would like to put me up for a time until I find somewhere more permanent to stay. I moved out of Tariro House this week, which was rather sad and we had tears from all the boys. I am being looked after very well here!

Electricity has been off a huge amount this week, only getting it a few hours a day. There has also been a new water problem in the next suburb, with mains water off for over 12 days!

9^th November

Well, what a week! Or should I say that was one ‘hell’ of a week! I stopped writing blogs for a few days after our house was burgled on Thursday night. Some clever thieves hooked valuables through the windows of a bedroom. The windows here ALL have bars and security latches, even if the latches are somewhat worn. Meredith’s laptop, credit cards, phone and camera were taken, along too with my passport. This happened about 11pm when we were ALL at home, awake! Meredith nipped to the shower and I was up talking, some of the boys even awake doing their homework in the study. No one heard a sound. Of course, we rushed outside to find they had fled, but they had left they cleverly hand made hooks behind.

In this country the police don’t come to the scene of a crime unless its murder. To make them come you have to go and collect them from the police station. So about an hour after the crime, the police ‘turned up’, in our car, funnily enough! However, they were good. They searched the garden and the empty house next door. They comforted us and reassured us – the whole household! The younger boys were quite shook up by the events. It was obvious that two people, or more, were involved, and that they had been watching the house for some time, or they knew our routine and so on. They had hidden in the bush in our garden and watched the rooms. They made hook-type-tools from the empty house’s garden and used wire washing line, also from next door, to create the hooks.

We spent hours that night at the police station. What an ordeal. The conditions of the police station are just horrible. Meredith was in great shock and was hysteric over the smallest of things. The night police were tired and kept yawning, they were hungry, and obviously underpaid and generally disheartened by conditions. I gave them all a drink before they left our house, including some beer!!

I got angry with one of the constables when he asked me for money! Because I was angry and upset with what had happened anyway, I just shouted at him!! This was the first time I had flew off the handle for a long time. He was very apologetic when he saw I was serious and angry and that we were both actually vulnerable and scared. He called me ‘boss’, said sorry and carried on investigating! I have to admit, he did a pretty damn good job for the quite frankly shit pay he got. He wore a tatty uniform with holes in and a hat that looked like it had been run over by a tractor.

Praise God that the police were handed in a passport and credit cards the following day. We took them a 10kg bag of mealie meal to say thank you for their hard work the night before. I now have my passport and Meredith has some kind of I.D and reassurance of her bank and accounting items. We never expect to see the laptop, phone and camera again, but we are at least all safe and OK. Shaken, not stirred – as they say!

I moved out of Tariro House today, into a friends house, from church. The couple have offered to put me and Meredith up for a while. I will be working with Meredith on a number of other projects with orphans, which excites me deeply, and also as the Rector’s PA, at Avondale, the Anglican Church we attend.

I am tired this week after a long weekend. I have to admit I am worn out and fed up! Although I am fed up, I am not giving up! I haven’t come this far to go home again. Have I failed? NO! How many other 22 year olds have opened a home for teenagers? I have learnt a valuable lesson about myself, others, but more importantly about God. In some sense, I’m not sure what I’ve learnt, but I have learnt something. It’s one of those deep feelings – those feelings where you feel so unsecure, unsafe, unsure, but yet Jesus has me in his arms and is carrying me all the way. I know my weaknesses, and knowing them is scary, but real because it means I can be in contact with myself and know myself fully. Sometimes we have to jump off the cliff even if we don’t know where we are going, and just let Jesus catch us. I hope he catches me in this next phase of this pilgrimage to Africa.

4^th November

Today I spent a few hours with Bev just talking. It is so good to have someone listen to me, just totally openly and honestly. She presents no worry or concerns, gives no unwanted advice but says exactly what I NEED to hear all the time.

My vision is to let every orphan know that they are loved. In recent weeks, the scale of the issue or orphans has become apparent. Even within my circle of friends here in Zim there are orphans. There is a lovely man who runs St Joseph’s Boys Home in Harare. He used to live at St Joseph as an orphan, but decided to come back so he could give something back to rebuilding his country! Our curate at church is also an orphan from a local home, but followed what God was calling him to do, however different it was for an orphan!

The poverty in this country is huge. Not only materialistically, but deep within people there is an air of hurt and un-forgiveness. I realise that when I walk through the high density areas and see the people struggling, how much I really appreciate everything I have in life, or at least how much I should appreciate it. The feeling at the time is a simple feeling – it really is only the recognition of how much we take for granted in life. This ‘being grateful’ for everything in our lives, hits so many nerves and emotions. Being thankful and grateful makes the core of our human nature. We grow up in societies that teach us that we cannot live the latest ideals, items and so on. However, we go through life in Zimbabwe and we realise and discover that in fact we can get through life without these things; this then causes us to come in contact with so many feelings and emotions – it is that feeling that can either make or break us. As I look at all those in Epworth or Highfield that really need help, I know in reality I cannot help all these people or save them. However, I can go away and attempt to live the rest of my life in order to help the lost and hurt. The one big thing that Zimbabweans need is time. Time is rushed, time is precious, time is valued, time is a personal thing – people need time. There sometimes seems to be no time to stop and listen to the lady who lost her husband, or to give a lift to the women found on the street corner badly beaten and bruised. I think when I leave TYP I will be a lot more free and ‘loose’ with my time. I WILL be able to stop and give some help, or talk to the beggar who asks for money – this is what I have always wanted to do and have never found the time, thinking that my time in Africa has to be jam-packed with business and daily doings, being rushed and doing everything quickly. I am here to serve and I hold my hands out to God. I am shit scared of what the next few months may bring, but God has trained me up and I am strong enough to deal with whatever God has in store. Now all I need to do is let go of the pride and selfishness and really feel the thankfulness, joy and peace that comes from Jesus. Over the next few months, I plan on getting my hands dirty. If I see a beggar on the street who asks for money, I will stop and talk to them. If I see a women who needs to go to hospital I will do my best to help her. My help may be abused and I may be used for personal gain, but that is a risk that I want to take. It is a risk Jesus took on the cross. He risked being abused but did not retaliate. Jesus was mocked but did not accuse in return. That pain in Highfield is still within me. I am going to step into that pain to release what is waiting to be unloaded – I can only hope it is packed with goodness and faithfulness to God’s world. How can our lives reflect the concern and passion for the poor?

Here is a day from last year’s African journal, Wednesday 20^th August.

After lunch me, Andrew and a group of youngsters from the Church walked through Highfields. At first I didn’t really take much in or much notice about the things around me, but as we got deeper into the streets the houses became denser and denser, the crowds of people became thicker and thicker and the smell got worse and worse. I soon came to realise that this was something out of a movie. Well, so I was hoping. It was like something out of hell - complete chaos. There was heaps of rubbish burning and children climbing through piles of dirt and garbage to find things and mothers with their children on their backs searching on the floor for something- but what? The smoke was thick, the sewage ran through the street, the earth was dry, but yet hundreds flowed through the streets. People looked at us with glares as we walked through. Children stopped and turned as we walked past. I wasn’t scared but more concerned and horrified that I was seeing these things! Such awful conditions, such cramped lifestyles with so little. I had nothing to give but a stare; I had nothing to offer but a prayer. Where was God in all this chaos? Surely he wouldn’t be here, he wouldn’t want to be here, I didn’t want to be here. This is for TV! After a minute or so, it wasn’t long before God started to appear. He was there. In fact he wanted to be there. God was hurt and concerned for these people. These are the people he wants us to look out for and defend and help and love. God was clearly with the child on the rubbish tip, through all that smoke God was there. He was with that baby crying on its mother’s back and peering through the window of the slums. He was in the child with the gleaming smile who stopped to look at us. God was everywhere! In fact I’d never seen God so present in my life. I think somehow my whole image of God just grew and grew. I once had empty prayers for these people, praying for the poor- but they were just empty prayers and praying for what? I don’t know. All of a sudden all those years of prayers for the poor just became real, they became fulfilled and answered and true. I was the answer, we are the answer. To reach out our hands and arms in love and to embrace the world as Christ’s arms and hands. I was planning to bring Christ into this place, but found he was already here, resident in the tears and pains and joys and happiness of all his people.

There are answers to my prayers like the Mutasa family who are working within the parish of Highfields to bring youngsters together in hope and love and to meet as friends, to ask and seek guidance, to find money for an education and so on. The answer is never to leave the poverty, however nice that seems- it will always exist, but it’s finding a way of overcoming the poverty and almost using it in one sense as a stepping block for a brighter future for these youngsters. As we met they told us their backgrounds and their stories. They each gave their story one by one and I just couldn’t help but cry after everything I’d seen today. Orphans, poor, lonely – you name it we heard about it! But to hear their commitment to God was stronger because of it and to see such joy from God because they had put their trust in him was amazing. I just cried throughout the evening and my throat got more tight and tight as the stories went on. I try very hard to place my hope and trust in God and I have most things, if not more than I need to live and get by. I had a mum and a dad, brothers and sisters, a place to live, a brilliant education and friends and places to go and see and so – yet it is so hard to have faith in God. These people have so little, yet God is so much to them.

Today was probably the most heart wrenching, moving and spiritually draining of my whole entire life and that is no lie! To be honest it seemed like hell on earth, but turned into a prayer in action – God at work. You only expect to see these like that on TV, but I’m so glad I’ve seen it for real now. I feel drained from everything I’ve experienced today alone! I am angry at the state these people are left in- angry at the government and with richer countries and myself of course. These are people. Real people too. People with hopes and skill and talent and faith. Real faith. God is at work in his people, building a kingdom of power, not empty words; a kingdom of love, not division and bitterness. God was using the nothingness to bring them everything. How I long to be part of that kingdom at home!

I have to admit I now miss everything about home. I miss my family and friends and the comforts and securities. I’ve had enough sadza to last a life time and there isn’t even hot water or electricity to wash my face or my feet or boil the kettle for a cup of tea! I am in the company of the most prettiest little girl with wonderful plaited hair and huge brown eyes and a tiny English vocabulary, and she is most inquisitive to how I got white skin! She asked me: ‘So Carl, you have white arms and white legs and a white head, what colour is your body?’ Bless her! She made my day! She touched me sharply and quickly to see if my skin was real or if it felt different, and she pulled the hairs on my legs to see what it was! Jesus said, let the little children come unto me, and I can see why now.

Christ has no body but yours, no hands, no feet on earth but yours,

Yours are the eyes with which he looks compassion on this world,

Yours are the feet with which he walks to do good,

Yours are the hands with which he blesses the world.

Yours are the eyes, you are his body.

Christ has no body now but yours,

No hands, no feet on earth but yours,

Yours are the eyes with which he looks compassion on this world.

Christ has no body now on earth but yours.

Teresa of Avila (1515-1582)

Today has been a day of matching up real life right now with stories that Jesus told and the gospel writers recorded in the New Testament. Jesus rarely spoke of rich kings or wealthy men and when he did it often ended up with him giving everything up, welcoming into his house the whole of the poorest communities, or him not having a place in heaven. Jesus said it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of heaven. I think he meant that quite literally in some sense too. Having everything brings us no closer to God at all! The story of the women who gave all she had to the temple offering today became real. The story of the man who, in all his pride, shew no remorse for his sin, yet the quiet man who beat his chest in repentance, became real today. The story of the beggars, the lame, the deaf, the poor and the stories of healing and sickness all became real. The Gospel actually became for me, real. It really became Good News. The Gospel smacked me round the face and Jesus whispered to me: Here I am, here I am.

2 Corinthians 4:7-11 comes to mind: ‘But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, to show that the transcendent power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may be manifested in our bodies. For while we live we are always being given up to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus may be manifested in our mortal flesh.’

We cannot not measure how you heal, or answer every sufferers’ prayer

But we believe your grace responds where faith and doubt unite to care.

Your hands, though bloodied on the cross, survive to hold and heal and warn,

To carry all through death to life and cradle children yet unborn.

The pain that will not go away the guilt that clings from things long past

The fear of what the future hold are present as if meant to last.

But present too is love which tends the hurt we never hoped to find,

The private agonies inside, the memories that haunt the mind.

So some have come who need your help and some have come to make amends

Your hands which shaped and save the world are present in the touch of friends.

Lord, let your spirit meet us here to mend the body, heart and soul,

To disentangle peace from pain, and make your broken people whole.

5^th November

Bon fire night and I am so depressed that there are no fire works here, although I did see a fire work party next weekend advertised. Remember, remember the 5^th of November, gun power, treason plot, I see no reason why gun powder treason should ever be forgot. Usually I would be attending the local town bon fire and fate.

Today has been filled with little joys. At a local Baptist Church we took Kal to run a small and free clinic to patients who are too poor to attend government or private hospitals. Kal done a really good job of seeing 53 patients and attending to their medical needs. I met a lot of children with all sorts of problems, we sang some songs while they were waiting in line and I was able to pray with a few elderly and two pregnant women, who were all ill. It was great to see a doctors queue waiting so patiently, without complaining about the wait and being so grateful for any help that they received at the end.

Today also I have been looking around and thinking about where I will be staying when I leave Tariro. I need a place where I am still close to the project, so I can visit and carry on working for TYP, but also a place that is easy for me to be involved with other project dealing with orphans. I think the nearest place in only a few minutes away from Tariro House and it looks promising because I will be able to carry on at church and continue working with orphans elsewhere. I am also planning a trip to Chipinge to help begin a new orphanage programme and orphanage near some tea estates. I am so excited that so many new projects are emerging and that so many vision have been given a vision.

I am trying to chase around town and find the Zimbabwean Immigration office, but as of yet haven’t located it. I need to extent my visa, which shouldn’t be too much of a problem.

I am living in Zimbabwe with no money now! This is what I’ve always wanted however – to be in the same boat as most other people here – to have no money. However, in a foreign country this is sometimes quite worrying! Thankfully, I can share resources with Meredith and other people working in the same area as us.